Here is a short list of ways you can pretty much guarantee to help you chase away other bloggers make tons of new friends and turn people off from ever wanting visit your blog become beloved quickly in the Blogosphere (on opposite day anyhow). Okay then, let’s get started shall we?
First of all join all the blogging communities you can find and cut and paste completely unpersonalized ads for every profile you have time to spam. Make the message short as possible: ‘Hi. Visit Me at: www.iamannoying.com’ and completely void of any actual description of your blog whatsoever. Another good way to go about it, is to leave a message raving about the profile person’s great blog, without ever bothering to visit. After all, why should you waste your busy time bothering with other people’s lame blogs when you have some serious spamming to do!
Bombard any blogging forums with the same nondescript ads. Better yet, if they allow images, just post your banner everywhere you can. Be sure to hijack some random threads without contributing anything more than your blog’s name and link. Other bloggers really love that.
If someone does visit your blog, ignore them. After all, the whole point was to get them to check out your blog, now that they are there, your objective is complete. Don’t respond to their comments, questions, or emails. They need to click a few ads or subscribe to your RSS feeds then go away. You can’t be bothered with their silly chatter.
Keep track of those bloggers who visit your site using widgets and hunt them down in the blogging communities you both belong to. Send them a deceptively polite thank you message followed by a continued steady stream of spam. Be sure to plead for them to return. After all, if they visited once, they are obviously interested in getting continual updates about your blog. Besides, begging is always quite enticing!
If you do decide to visit other blogs, don’t read any of the articles and just leave random one worded comments such as ‘Cool’ or ‘Nice’. If you REALLY want the blog owner to like you, leave the same exact one worded message for every single one of their articles that are featured on their homepage. Never, ever say anything that might be misconstrued as relevant to the conversation at hand.
So there you have it. Those are my top techniques for making people despise you gaining popularity in the Blogosphere. Anyone else have any tips to share?
November 14th, 2007 - 1:12 am
great post Barb!!
darlene’s last blog post..What’s Cooking Wednesday!!
November 14th, 2007 - 1:26 am
I think you left out pop-ups and spyware
Jason’s last blog post..New Wordpress Vulnerability Found
November 14th, 2007 - 2:06 am
LOL. This was awesome. I love those one worded blurbs. Cool, Nice, Interesting. Oh, I have tons of those. Funny when I first started blogging I thought it was flattering (I caught on quickly though, thankfully). But the funniest are the ones that say “Sorry.” I always picture someone stuck in a job where they actually have to meet a quote and they really are sorry to be spamming you so that is how they word their little item. LOL. I crack even me up sometimes.
teeni’s last blog post..Something Wicked Cool This Way Comes
November 14th, 2007 - 2:17 am
Did some one piss in your Captain Crunch? LOL Next time i visit I promise to leave a one word comment.
Groovy?
Sorrow’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
November 14th, 2007 - 2:30 am
darlene:
Thank you!
November 14th, 2007 - 2:31 am
Jason:
True. Nothing makes me want to return to a website faster than when the jerks try to install something on my computer or make my browser crash. *grumbles*
November 14th, 2007 - 2:32 am
teeni:
Sorry? I’ve never seen that before. That’s just weird!
November 14th, 2007 - 2:34 am
Sorrow:
Nope, just my strained attempt to bring a slightly amusing public service announcement. I honestly, don’t let little stuff bug me but it amazes me how many people think those kinds of ploys actually work. It’s sad really.
You know, I don’t think I’ve ever had a one word comment. No starting up with now or I will have to smite you good. hehehe
November 14th, 2007 - 3:28 am
It’s so stupid when they pretend to have looked at your blog and you know they haven’t just like you know they’ve sent the exact same message to every single member they can find
I think you got just about everything in there in fairness, now I have to go get started on those tips of yours, make me some new friends 
clairec23’s last blog post..Idiot Technophobe? Idiot Full-Stop
November 14th, 2007 - 3:46 am
shaking head… I read your post laughed and then realized ‘oh crap I have three posts myself I have not responded to yet!’ Thanks for the kick in the pants..I needed it!
Hope’s last blog post..Dare you to move
November 14th, 2007 - 3:47 am
PS…nothing to add but I did want to give to all the vets out there that have taken the time to help a noob blogger a collective hug and thank you.
Hope’s last blog post..Dare you to move
November 14th, 2007 - 4:28 am
the AB said:
“They need to click a few ads or subscribe to your RSS feeds then go away. You can’t be bothered with their silly chatter.”
Dude, I know! I mean, why can’t they just do that and leave me alone?
I hate the blog community spam about every new post: “Hey, I just wrote another poorly thought out article on myblogiscrap.com - thought you would give a shit enough to support my sorry ass and click on some ads! Thanks!”
You know.
pete’s last blog post..Learn Something at 99 Bloggers
November 14th, 2007 - 5:46 am
I have another word for you “Oops”. I catch about 30 posts like this.
AntiBarbie, you make my day with this post. True and very funny
Diana13’s last blog post..Resource for Bloggers Carnival - Edition 1
November 14th, 2007 - 6:12 am
nice!
haha! I love this post - so true! There are lots of bloggers (or spammers?) out there… good thing nobody posted some advertisements in my comments YET or I’d be forced to turn on the Comment Moderation.
shiera’s last blog post..8 More Spilled Beans
November 14th, 2007 - 6:44 am
SWEET.
haha, just kidding Dawn. It is pretty annoying. I haven’t seen that in awhile, but I know there are some commentors that do that. Not a lot, just some. I don’t think anyone would do that here would they? That would be just plain rude, lol
Rolando’s last blog post..Win a custom blog header!
November 14th, 2007 - 9:40 am
I had to laugh at those. My favorite are the bloggers who will respond to their friends in the comments but will ignore the newbies.
Opal Tribble’s last blog post..Congratulations You’ve Made It! Getting Here is Half The Battle
November 14th, 2007 - 11:30 am
Thank you, Dawn. This one made my day. It is very easy for newcomers to blogdom and to other online social mediums to quite misunderstand the lay of the land and sometimes commit some of the sins you so amusingly lay out quite without realizing their faux pas. Occasionally when I encounter stuff like this and it really strikes me as newbie mistake rather than clueless bore I attempt to engage and do a little education. Next time I can just point them to this post.
a
November 14th, 2007 - 12:49 pm
Ha, the truth can be a funny, funny thing, can it not, Anti-Barbie? I think we’ve witnessed some of these very incidents this very week. I particularly enjoyed one guy who seems to have spammed everyone’s shoutboxes with the exact same message. For me, he went immediately into the virtual circular file and has been awarded a nice big Block… Because we’re such close friends, you know. BFF.
November 14th, 2007 - 1:14 pm
Hi! Nice blog. Visit mine
meghnak’s last blog post..The Test Which Went Down The Drain!
November 14th, 2007 - 2:21 pm
outstanding words of advice to blog by. i’m going to have to try all the above. so, i can’t leave too long a comment. got me some spamming to do!
cool blog!
November 14th, 2007 - 3:51 pm
Your having a cool blog web!! Please visit mine when you are ok!!
November 14th, 2007 - 4:15 pm
hehe some blogs even subscribe you automatically by email! sheez…really annoying…
cyberpunk’s last blog post..Freaky Happening in India
November 14th, 2007 - 6:39 pm
arrgh! the one word commenters get me, they’re the only ones that get through my spam killer.
Andy Bailey’s last blog post..Sneak peak at my new theme
November 14th, 2007 - 8:40 pm
Dawn, you really nailed it with this one.
November 14th, 2007 - 10:11 pm
Cool site.
Just kidding. This is the article I would have loved to write, but I am not as funny as you are. –Mike
Mr. Grudge’s last blog post..November 13, 2007 Update on “It’s a Movie!”
November 14th, 2007 - 10:54 pm
Dawy,
Why
don’t
you
tell
us
how
you
truly
feel!
You just tickle my funny bone. One can not help but just love you to death for putting it write out there. I’m familiar with the spray paint cans and their application on walls, buildings, etc. The wiles of a misspent youth! LOL
Hawk’s last blog post..7 Things . . .
November 14th, 2007 - 11:25 pm
Oh, crud. Sorry AntiBarbie - that was the chemo working on my brain - I read your post but by the time I went to comment, I was thinking of comment spam and that was what my comment was about. Dang. Sorry about that - it happens to me every so often. Just ignore me.
teeni’s last blog post..Something Wicked Cool Is Here!
November 14th, 2007 - 11:30 pm
Hey - no, you did talk about the one worded comment spam - that was what my comment was in reference to. OMG, now you’ve done it - I’m all confused. LOL
teeni’s last blog post..Something Wicked Cool Is Here!
November 14th, 2007 - 11:52 pm
Great Post
Hahahah
Kaylee’s last blog post..Another Meal
November 15th, 2007 - 12:35 am
clairec23:
Yup. It is really retarded to *pretend* to visit someone else’s blog. It’s not like they aren’t going to know, especially if they have those visitor widgets installed.
November 15th, 2007 - 12:38 am
Hope:
Hope, it’s okay to not respond to every comment right this very second. Real life and other things intrude. I wait until I have time to respond to them. My readers understand I’m sure, as will yours
November 15th, 2007 - 1:04 am
pete:
Yeah the spam really gets to me. Maybe it’s just me, I don’t know but I don’t even like the generic thanks for visiting my blog messages I get from people sometimes on my blog community profiles after taking a look at their blogs. It’s not that it’s rude or anything but it just comes off as sounding kind of desperate or something to me and that tends to make me shy away.
November 15th, 2007 - 1:14 am
Diana13:
Oops? That’s a new one. Honestly, what the heck is the mistake involved?
November 15th, 2007 - 1:17 am
shiera:
I get lots of spam comments but no one word comments submitted by humans as opposed to bots, that are just too lazy to take the time to try and learn effective blogging marketing techniques.
November 15th, 2007 - 1:20 am
Rolando:
Nope. None of that nonsense here. Thank goodness!
November 15th, 2007 - 1:22 am
Opal Tribble:
Yes, got to love people that play such obvious favorites to the point in shooing off new readers. How foolish!
November 15th, 2007 - 1:23 am
Alan:
Please, do point them here and don’t worry, I won’t bite……. much.
November 15th, 2007 - 1:26 am
Thrift Shop Romantic:
I bet he got presented with enough blocks to put legos out of business. That guy was out of control!
November 15th, 2007 - 1:27 am
meghnak:
Oh Boy, I left myself wide open for that one, didn’t I?
November 15th, 2007 - 1:29 am
melissa:
You said: ‘Nice blog.’ That’s the spirit but try to get it down to one word. Try ‘nice.’ See, I’ve just doubled your productivity!
November 15th, 2007 - 1:32 am
Jason - GorillaSushi:
thx u. Gud u likd wat u red.
November 15th, 2007 - 1:35 am
cyberpunk:
I totally understand a person having a subscribe to the comment box (Hell, even I do) but I think it’s annoying to have to uncheck the box because it’s set to yes automatically. Personally, I hate when I forget to uncheck a box then go to my inbox and see ten billion emails because of it.
November 15th, 2007 - 1:36 am
Andy Bailey:
the reason it’s not caught is because unlike most spam comments those are done manually 99% of the time.
November 15th, 2007 - 1:36 am
Bobbie:
Thank you Bobbie!
November 15th, 2007 - 1:38 am
Mr. Grudge:
If you ever met my family you’d see that humor was a necessity in order to maintain one’s sanity
not that it quite worked…….
November 15th, 2007 - 1:40 am
Hawk:
Comment spam is much like digital graffiti only it’s not artistic or colorful, although in both cases sometimes the words tend to be. hehehehe
November 15th, 2007 - 1:44 am
teeni:
S’ok. It happens to the best of us and by that I mean ME!
November 15th, 2007 - 1:45 am
Kaylee:
I set myself up for that one
November 15th, 2007 - 5:28 am
True, true! I hate how people don’t respond to my comments, especially when I ask them questions!! Ugh..how annoying! Maybe you could write a satirical post on blogging etiquette? ;P
Oh yeah…
Nice…
and…
Cool….
November 15th, 2007 - 1:35 pm
Jackqueline Lou:
Satire? mwah? Gee, I don’t know……
November 15th, 2007 - 2:47 pm
“How ad ur site to digg ?”
“I just discover this blog, awesome. Please visit me here”
“I know how to solve your need for cheap replica watches, click here”
“Very nice, thank for share”
“you`re right !”
Valentin’s last blog post..gurus way - funny style
November 15th, 2007 - 4:09 pm
It’s funny that you made this post, I think you’re giving spammers ideas because since then I’ve been getting a good few of the whole I checked your blog (no you did not you idiot) so check out mine, often.
Hmm, let me think, uh, no!
By the way, I finally stumbled your contest, it took me a while to figure out how (even though I’ve stumbled stuff before) *blushes* I’m getting worse instead of better.
clairec23’s last blog post..New Stumble Upon Fan
November 15th, 2007 - 4:20 pm
He he, great post, very funny and too true!
Blogged it
David from Web Mash
David’s last blog post..THE BIG JUICY TWITTER GUIDE
November 15th, 2007 - 4:32 pm
Valentin:
you forgot ‘Cool Blog’.
November 15th, 2007 - 4:33 pm
clairec23:
Thanks for the stumble Claire! Woot!
November 15th, 2007 - 4:35 pm
David:
Thanks Man. I gotta check out those commandments!
November 15th, 2007 - 4:57 pm
That’s hilarious. Especially the part about the swimming fish. Visit my blog, pleeeaassee. I love your layout. If you visit my blog pleeaase I’ll give you a great widget. Here’s a great deal your readers might want to check out.
visitmyblogpleasetolearnhowtomakealotofmoneywhilesittingonyourfanny
You’re great.
kab625’s last blog post..Celestial Cows
November 15th, 2007 - 5:13 pm
“Be sure to hijack some random threads without contributing anything more than your blog’s name and link. Other bloggers really love that.”
Made me PEE in my pants.
I love it when you are worked UP about something!
meleah rebeccah’s last blog post..In The Absence Of Me
November 16th, 2007 - 12:48 am
kab625:
I’ll give you a great widget? Huh? Are they hording secret widgets for themselves?
November 16th, 2007 - 12:49 am
meleah rebeccah:
It’s so much fun to be bad
November 16th, 2007 - 6:03 am
Best post I’ve read in a few days! Loved it!
Peace!
Majik’s last blog post..Really, is that so?
November 16th, 2007 - 1:48 pm
Hey Lady,
Great cookie recipe, visit me a ClickMyAdsense.com.
Ha ha ha, great article, and so true! Hope you have a great weekend:)
Christy’s last blog post..Tasered Man’s Terrifying Final Moments Caught On Tape
November 16th, 2007 - 2:20 pm
Majik:
Thank You! Glad you enjoyed it.
November 16th, 2007 - 2:36 pm
Christy:
You have a great weekend too, Christy!
November 18th, 2007 - 4:01 pm
[…] dot Net - How NOT To Make Friends Blogging Here is a short list of ways you can pretty much guarantee to help you chase away other bloggers […]
November 18th, 2007 - 6:51 pm
cool, nice, interesting, great post, etc., etc., etc
Ad Tracker’s last blog post..Saturday Sweep-Up
November 18th, 2007 - 9:11 pm
ha ha love the post! The spam thing is just part of the blog world until people realize that this NOT helping them and actually hurting them. I for one will not visit anyone who leaves me a very obvious(which they all are) message that is spam. Eventually they fade away until the next generation rears their ugly heads and silly attempts to get visitors……
Mighty Morgan’s last blog post..Sunday Award and Meme Gala Event!
November 19th, 2007 - 1:44 am
Ad Tracker:
People that do that are to be subjected to a mighty tongue lashing and perhaps a good kick in the pants on this blog so spammers beware.
November 19th, 2007 - 1:46 am
Mighty Morgan:
Actually, it does help in a sense that if they get away with it, they can get backlinks but they would be able to build up their blogs much quicker and get more organic backlinks if they put some actual effort into the blogging community as opposed to spamming.
November 20th, 2007 - 6:42 pm
This is my absolute favorite thing to post on and yours is awesome. Er…um…cool? So yah. I already have too many correctly spelled words to rival a spam bot. I’ve had the “sorry” one, too. Even with a emicon or whatever those things are called. Almost made me feel sorry for the bottom dweller.
kellypea’s last blog post..Dear ustream.tv Gurus…
November 21st, 2007 - 4:57 am
What a wonderful post! I have just found your site via a convoluted string of other bloggers, and I like what I see :o) This post makes SUCH a change from all those out there about all the work we are supposed to be doing to suck people in! Nice work.
Divinyl’s last blog post..The Imagined Evening?: I have shaken the hand of Billy Bragg!!
November 21st, 2007 - 2:25 pm
kellypea:
Hmm, I wonder why Sorry. Out of all the things to say, that’s just bizarre!
November 21st, 2007 - 2:51 pm
Divinyl:
Thanks! I don’t worry about sucking them in as much as I do about keeping them coming back. I figure if I can get that part right, I’ll gain readership without extreme tactics.
November 22nd, 2007 - 2:39 am
Hello Friend,
Thank You For Visiting My Blog, _________. Have Good Thanksgiving and Happiness For
You.
Sincerely, ______________
^
Copy/paste for instant reader gratification.
Thanks for the great tips, by the way! Might I also suggest
1. Selling e-mail addresses of readers
2. Sending link exchange requests to everyone that visits, regardless to whether or not they have a blog/website
3. Tracking people down via IP addresses and Google Earth and persuading them to return with a tube sock filled with nickels
4. Lots of viruses
5. Loud music/noises
MoneyMoose’s last blog post..Frugal Living EXTREME! 7: Teeth
November 23rd, 2007 - 12:50 am
MoneyMoose,
Great tips! From now on I will send out emails to my commenters as follows:
Hi, (oh and I won’t actually waste time figuring out an actual name. I’ll just leave it as is.)
Thanks you very muches for ur visiting my blog. I if u like me blog come back soon and clicks on all ads in my netowrk and sign up wit my affileates. Thnks! -AB
That will make ‘em all come running back.