Sometimes a writer can get a bit too ambitious. That was the case with this story. I wanted to write a story about a man who was in love with love itself. I wanted it to appear that he was just going through the motions and that all his words were hollow, as if a he were a bad actor rehearsing lines for a play. This story was also in first person perspective. The combination was a real disaster. Ah well, you live and learn.
I love you. I know it’s hard to believe right now, but I do. I know what you must think of me but I am not a monster. I am not heartless, my love, but this is for the best, don’t you see?
Your tears do pain me so, my darling. Please don’t cry. I only do what I must to preserve our love. We’ve both luxuriated in its glorious fervor for over a year now but you know as well as I that things are no longer as they once were. Just small things really, like the pauses in our conversations that seem to be growing every day or that we barely hold hands now. It’s only a matter of time before these little pebbles of a rift between us turn into an avalanche.
Fight it as we may, the fire between us is burning itself out. Intense passion doesn’t last for an eternity, my sweet. Once our passion is in its death throes, our love will be devoured slowly by routine and boredom until one day we awaken and realize that we can’t remember what had once consumed us so readily. I cannot bear to be forced to see you with different, less adoring eyes as the years roll by.
Please, don’t cower from my touch. I know I deserve your contempt but it tortures me just the same. I am not enjoying this, my love. I gain no pleasure from seeing the raw anguish etched into your face. I only wish to comfort you, even though I realize I am the source of your pain.
I am sorry; so very sorry for robbing you of the future you’ve always wanted. It’s a sin that you’ll never get to know the thrill of having your first book in print, the big family we’ve talked about, the horses you wanted to raise, or the cozy home up in the mountains. I wanted those things for you too darling, for us both. Sadly, dreams perish with us but much like Romeo and Juliet, our unmarred romance will be preserved throughout the ages. In this way, we will be granted immortality.
Don’t struggle so much darling, you’ll just hurt yourself. You could scream until your voice caves in but the only savior to be found this night, is the one that I hold firmly in my hand. Shhhhhhhhh… Please don’t be afraid. Wherever this road may lead us, at least we will be traveling it together. They say love is sacrifice. Few people understand to what extent. Now be a good girl and close your eyes. This won’t hurt a bit.
February 1st, 2008 - 9:32 pm
Why, I didn’t suffer a bit with your worst.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Witchypoo Interviews Miguelina
February 1st, 2008 - 10:59 pm
Is thats your worst story then I am impressed
kaylee’s last blog post..House Invasion
February 1st, 2008 - 11:34 pm
sh*t, your worst story is better than my best.
dammit.
:-/
Andy Bailey’s last blog post..Contest! - Win a set of ipod portable speakers from iMaingo
February 2nd, 2008 - 6:11 am
LOL - I have to agree with Andy Bailey - your worst is way better than my best but I do see what you are saying - it seems you have come a long way since then in deciding how best to approach the writing and it does make a difference. I still liked it but if you were to write it today, I know it would be even better!
teeni’s last blog post..Hey That’s My Fish! and a Story Game
February 2nd, 2008 - 10:41 am
I wish this is all I had to contend with when I wrote badly.
I can see the underlying ideas between the lines but I can also see what you mean. This must have been difficult to write in a sense. I still like it though.
Spirit’s last blog post..An Ending
February 2nd, 2008 - 5:41 pm
“I am sorry; so very sorry for robbing you of the future you’ve always wanted.”
Thats a GREAT line.
meleah rebeccah’s last blog post..The Biggest Heart…Award
February 2nd, 2008 - 6:57 pm
witchypoo:
Glad to hear it although I do, every time I read it… I really hate it.
February 2nd, 2008 - 6:59 pm
kaylee:
Thanks for the kind words but I really feel this story really is crappy in comparison with my other stuff.
February 2nd, 2008 - 7:03 pm
Andy Bailey:
Bullocks. That’s right, bullocks! You can write a story that has a plot and character motivation that is easily understood. I could not pull that off with this stinkbomb no matter how hard I tried. I just could not convey what I wanted to express and I rewrote this thing at least twenty times…
February 2nd, 2008 - 7:04 pm
teeni:
My worst is better than your best?! Are you kidding me? Don’t make me fly to your hometown and knock some sense into you because that is just insane. Your Dear Shabby letter was even better than this story for pete’s sake!
February 2nd, 2008 - 7:07 pm
Spirit:
It was painful to write. I loved the concept but putting it onto paper just didn’t work out.
February 2nd, 2008 - 7:08 pm
meleah rebeccah:
Thank You
February 2nd, 2008 - 8:53 pm
This is bad? You must be kidding! Like the remark I left at BeboAuthor about her writing contest :” You made look like a midget learning to write.” And thanks for placing an ad with me. Regards.
Dan’s last blog post..Poetry And The Innocence of Children.
February 3rd, 2008 - 8:56 am
[…] AntiBarbie wrote her worst story. It’s a good story, though, so you should read it, because she is a good […]
February 3rd, 2008 - 12:09 pm
I think it reads like part of an incomplete story; if more background information were presented with a bit more character development, possibly about the girl - it could be turned into something better.
I don’t think it’s bad, just incomplete feeling! I hope my criticism is constructive for you Dawn.
I haven’t seen you in such a long time, is everything ok? I miss you!
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February 4th, 2008 - 8:03 am
You got a unique story! But honestly, the story is quiet incomplete. there’s something that is missing in the story.
February 4th, 2008 - 4:34 pm
Dan:
You should do the contest. A little serious competition can help your writing. I do my best stuff when I’m pitted against others. Even if you don’t win, you can still write a gem and that is golden, my friend.
February 4th, 2008 - 4:38 pm
Bobby Revell:
It’s a flash fiction and told in first person perspective which makes character development of secondary characters quite hard. This was a failure for a combination of reasons and not being able to give a clear enough picture is certainly one of the biggest issues.
I’m ok. My free time has been cut tremendously though.
February 4th, 2008 - 4:41 pm
Plumbing Course Andy:
Yes, it sure is! The story is just all wrong…
February 10th, 2008 - 11:55 am
Hey Dawn! All I know is that I miss having you come by. I know all about free time, I barely have any of my own - that’s why I post much less frequently. I am here to support you and to let you know that I have been a huge fan of your writing since I first read it!
Bobby Revell’s last blog post..The New World Order - Zeitgeist